RIP. Alot of time has passed/Update

Wow, my last post was August 2010. So much has happened since then. I'm not going to try and explain the last year and a half, but since my last post was about how amazing the guys from 3rd group are, it only seems fitting I give an update on their loss... actually scratch that OUR loss-- America's loss.

From left to right: Capt. Joseph W. Schultz, Sgt. 1st Class Martin R. Apolinar and Sgt. Aaron J. Blasjo. The fallen were members of Operational Detachment Alpha 3333, Company C, 3rd Battalion, 3rd SFG (A) and were killed in combat May 29.

Since this happened earlier this year, May 29, 2011, I'm going to use excerpt from a commentary I wrote to explain it and then a a personal note from my Facebook since that was how I felt at that time. Not that anything's changed, but it was raw emotion then. Now it's just emotional.

An excerpt from my commentary that gives a description of U.S. Army Staff Sergeant Martin Apolinar, a man I'm honored to have known:

"Three amazing men, U.S. Army Green Berets, recently died in an Afghanistan IED blast. One I didn't know, one I knew in passing, and one was someone I playfully called a cross between Eddie Munster and the guy from Twilight (because of his bright eyes). You'd probably think so too if you saw how he looked in person and maybe even add the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland because he was always smiling a huge grin that came easily and often. His name was Marty."

The next excerpt mentioned the other men lost from that unit that day. And not only did my heart cry for them, but also for those that knew them. They have lost SO many! I can't imagine how the deaths of so many friends affects someone. I wasn't exactly in the best shape when I found out and I only knew him from one deployment. It hurt so much and I didn't even have the bonds his brothers-in-arms and friends had with him.

"I was attached to people who are the heroes we read about. And if I wasn't here at XXXXX, part of the unit I'm in, I wouldn't have made lasting friendships. I wouldn't have those still in Afghanistan who I worry and pray for every day. Even though that's not easy, I wouldn't change knowing them. I am a better person for it. However much on the sidelines, whether I was allowed a glimpse into their world, or had the door actually opened with others, I "get" the bonds they share. I cried for the loss of U.S. Army Staff Sergeant Martin Apolinar, U.S. Army Capt. Joseph W. Schultz, and U.S. Army Sergeant Aaron Blasjo, and then I cried for all the others we lost before them. My heart broke when I heard the news of their deaths, which ironically occurred on Memorial Day weekend. Their deaths scared me because there are others in Special Forces who I am closer to."

Ok now here's my personal note on FB. This is what I felt the day I found out.

I Don't Get It
June 2, 2011 at 10:33pm

I got on my knees to pray, to ask God to look after them
I asked to help the families and the brothers in arms

I started out... reaching out... to God
but as I prayed I couldn't lie to Him or myself
I don't get it, I don't understand

Everything happens for a reason right?
A greater good? An end result we can't see?
but I DON'T GET IT

I can usually come up with a far fetched reason why things are ok,
and will get better,
but right now I DON'T GET IT

I'm not trying to be a disobedient daughter Lord
I'm just trying to make sense where I see none

I can't see the why and I have to ask, why pray if they die anyway?
I'm sure they had people to pray for their safety ...
but it didn't work

I DON'T GET IT

Those remaining do I pray for them? Do I ask for their safe return?
Does it help?
I have and I will,l but now I doubt cause God--
forgive me for saying this--
... I truly don't get it

I can't see why he had to go, I can't see why they weren't spared
I can't see why we have war,
but despite what comes with it I will never turn my back,
and I'm willing to go too

I will follow my brothers and sisters to the end
if that's what it takes for our freedoms
but that doesn't mean I GET IT,
it just means I care and will do my part

Cause I'm struggling with this one and I don't get it
... not sure I ever will

Ok so that's my update. There's been other things, other struggles, and things I have learned from my experience there. I keep in touch with a number of the guys and the brief time (in the the larger scope of things) seems like an eternity, because I truly love them and will always be there for any that need me. Maybe it's not the same for them, but it doesn't matter. That deployment affected me cause the reality of what they go through, and what they do, reached to the core of my soul.