Don't ever think us military folk don't ever doubt whether or not we should continue what we do. At least for me its something I go through ever now and then. Now when I say whether we should continue what we do I don't mean should we be part of a particular engagement, or should we have troops in certain countries-- I'm talking about should I stay in, should I care as much as I do, does what I do truly make a difference, or am I leaving my family and stressing about what plan I must have in place for nothing.
I have to think about... truly think about... what if I die. Dying for my country believe it or not for me is not the hard part, its knowing that if I did my son would be with out a mother-- that's what's hard. Sometimes you feel so underappreciated that you wonder why bother when all the good that we do as military rarely makes headlines or even the news. It's the bad that runs--if it bleeds, it leads-- but what about those of us that truly care and do the right thing, yet struggle daily with the thoughts of "am I wrong to deprive my family of ME for the greater good?"
Today was a doubt day, today was tough. I felt overwhelmed with work, taking care of my son and animals, projects and taskings that seem to keep dropping into my lap and the adminstrative stuff that I need to accomplish prior to deploying. And the deployment itself? Yup that's stressing me out too cause I haven't had the time to prepare.
My husband is already deployed so I'm currently a single parent in the military with a bunch of responsibilites that are getting harder and harder to juggle everyday. I almost wanted to give up. I wanted to just say I'm done, I can't... Uncle, Uncle, Uncle.
But thats not who I am. I wouldn't have joined the military if I wasn't tougher than that, so I cried, screamed, kicked my cabinet and punched my wall. Took a deep breath, cried some more, wiped my tears, rolled up my sleeves and started tackling work. Picked up my son, helped him with homework, cooked dinner, played with and exercised the dogs, helped my son pick toys he plans on selling at a garage sale this weekend, took some ibuprofen for the wisdom tooth I had removed last week and took a deep breath.
I do love the military and I do love that I can hold my head up high when I say what I do, but every now and then it can overwhelm you. I won't see my 6-year-old little boy for over 7 months and my husband for about 10. That's my life and that's not easy, but I'll get through it and I'll be stronger for it.
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This section should be in print in our Sunday Paper to let everyone know and hopfully undersand what it means to be a military parent and yes some may say, you chose to do this. Well yes you did as did many others and more people should appreciate the fact that there are folks like you out there that will risk limbs and life for the rest of us. I'm truely proud of what you and your family do for the rest of us. For those who JUST DON'T GET IT maybe they should stop and look around at their freedoms and consider themselves DAMN lucky! Keep up the good work kiddo, this mom thinks you are doing a terrific job!
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