Ugh....

...Ugh! So go figure-- the weekend right after Rob left for his deployment (last weekend) I had to work all weekend for a base military exercise. Now this weekend there is an base Open House so I have to work again =( In theory I should have someone willing to watch my son at any time and technically I do, but I hate bothering people. It'd be different if it was for the big important stuff (like a short -notice deployment and specific "we need to help America now" stuff), but for things like an Open House I find it hard to say "Can you watch my son for the weekend again?" Especially with me deploying in about a month.

In a sense it makes me feel like a bad mom, even though I know that's not the case. I have to leave my son for 7 months to train and deploy soon but in the month right before it I have to work during the week and weekends.

Now please don't mistake this as complaining about the military cause I'm not. I really do love the fact that I'm serving and I understand it's a sacrifice. It's just hard talking to other moms out there who hear my situation and say "I don't know how you do it, I could never leave my child." I know alot of times they mean well when they say it, but what does that mean? Does that mean they think I'm wrong for doing it? Trust me, it's insanely hard to leave my amazing little boy, but I do my best to make sure my time with him is quality time and I feel that I serve for him as well. After I'm long gone my son will still be here and the actions of the military can affect the future of the country my little boy calls home.

I know I just need to suck it up (as they say in the military). I just need to find someone to watch him and press on, but mentally and logistically it seems like such a challenge. I guess I'm just a bit overwhelmed right now trying to prepare for a deployment with my husband already gone and the timing of these weekend events really suck. My time with Tyler is limited as is and the only people I know here to watch him are spouses of fellow military members who are currently deployed. Basically that means I'm asking single moms to watch my son so I can work and I hate having to do that. Also, I'm reaallllly picky about who watches my son which is why I'm probably finding it so hard. In the military or not I feel that's a right I need to never give up. My son is too important for just anyone to watch him. I've seen ALOT of bad parenting out there and I would be a bad parent if I let him go to someone's house if I was concerned on how they treated their own kids.

Wish me luck, I still haven't figured out who's gonna watch him while I work this weekend.